Have you noticed how often the word okay is used? Okay seems to have become a catchall response for almost everything. For example, if you are asked how you are doing, the response you are likely to give is, “I’m doing okay.” If you recently dined at a new restaurant in town and your friend asks, with gleeful anticipation of what you might say, “How was the food?” you are likely to respond, “It was okay.” But what does okay mean in this response? Your friend still doesn’t know how the food was!
So, the question is, “Is there an answer that goes beyond okay?” Is “Okayness” a standard that we have decided to live with? Is there another word that we might consider adding to our vocabulary instead of – or at least in addition to – the word okay? And just what does “okay” mean? Okay can mean different things depending on the context in which it is used. For example, if I said, “The performance was okay” what I mean is there is room for improvement.
According to the Miriam Webster dictionary, okay (or O.K., ok, and Ok) is a word denoting approval, acceptance agreement, assent, or a sign of indifference. I think it’s the sign of indifference that seems to be most annoying. For instance, if I ask, “Would you like to join me for dinner tomorrow night?” You might respond, “Okay.” Your response might make me wonder whether you really want to go to dinner with me or are you just saying okay but you’re really not that excited about going to dinner with me. I would prefer a response like, “Yes, that will be fun” or some other clear response that lets me know that your “yes” response is genuine.
According to the Urban Dictionary, “okay is a lie that people tell so others are happy.” When you respond with the word okay, the other person can go on with the day without really thinking about the response. You are free not to have to dig deeper – you don’t have to go beyond the polite response. Another polite use of the word okay is “a negative response to an offer.” It sounds like you’re agreeing but it’s actually the opposite. If I were to ask, “Would you like a piece of cake?” You might answer, “That’s okay,” which means you do not want a piece of cake and you’re politely saying, “No, thank you.”
So why am I on a rant about Okayness? For me, the overuse of the word okay is like accepting mediocracy rather than allowing ourselves to dig deeper, to ask for more than a polite response. It’s about being open to relationship building. It’s about tearing down barriers and allowing ourselves to get to know others – and to be known by others. So, the next time you’re asked, “How are you?” what about digging a little deeper to give an authentic response by simply adding perhaps a one-sentence personal statement. You could respond, “I am doing well. I went boating over the weekend.” You might be surprised at what you discover about yourself and others just by starting the conversation. . .
Dr. Lusharon Wiley, Executive Director, Equity Project Alliance